Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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