If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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