Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
