You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
