remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
