I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
