Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
