You really coming over, don't trick.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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