I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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