We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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