Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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