I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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