Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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