you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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