From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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