He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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