That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
