Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
