Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
