I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
