his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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