I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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