Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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