I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
