i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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