he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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