Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
