he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
