OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
