Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
