you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't put those talents on a resume
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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