Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
