Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
