i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
