hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
be right there i have to get my cape
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
