how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
