can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
