my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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