I smell stomach acid.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
