toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
