I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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