so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
