Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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