I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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