I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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