just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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