it hurts more in the daytime
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
