I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
