i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Bring me that man meat
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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