do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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