Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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