Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
