turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
