Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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