based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
