I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize