She's JV to your varsity
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry about my life...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
