I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
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I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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