Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
