Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
