You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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