I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
