You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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