not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
