Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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