then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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