If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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