First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
