I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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