i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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