he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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