it was like his penis was on wheels.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
