he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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