I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
