He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
